Wednesday, June 24, 2015

The Times They Are A'Changing



Philly is one gritty city.  It was a great place to grow up, the birthplace of freedom and tough love all rolled into a hoagie smothered with onions that you can eat at a beach in your bare feet.  Notorious for roughnecks, as a kid you knew this much, always:  for every mouthy bad guy there were seven relatives who had your back, and they too were mouthy.  Lotta mouth.
So I’d say Philly is sort of a great way to measure the change of human interaction, as it’s been known as a hallmark of incivility.  There were two places in this City’s arena where you could especially get your ass kicked:  the Skuykhill Expressway (known as The Sure Kill) and any kind of ballgame or sports arena, on any day.  

Driving in Philly used to be a full body contact sport - so many people gave me the finger when I was a teenager learning to drive that I thought it was part of the program.  At an Eagle’s football game the fans threw snowballs at Santa and a 10 year old trying to make a foul shot during halftime at the Sixers got booed.  There you go.  

Not any more.  Philadelphia is becoming kinder and I’m here to tell you, if this city can evolve, any dang place on earth can.  I was headed out of town recently, ready to wrestle both traffic and the airport - thorns in any urban side - but I was amazed at what happened.  A biblical thunderstorm rolled over town the night before I left so as I negotiated rush hour traffic, the lights went out.  Now, ten years ago if traffic lights went out it was bloodsport - getting across an intersection was kill or be killed, the bold and the stupid playing bumper tag.  But listen to what happened:

People fell quickly into a rhythm of cooperation.  Everyone stopped at their corners - even on the crazy and disastrous Route 1 - and took turns crossing.  My mouth fell open as I watched a pattern emerge: cars pulled up and waiting, a few went one way, then that lane stopped and let the cross traffic through.  It was miraculous.

The next day at the airport the bus from economy parking was jam packed with summer travelers.  Everybody watched out for each other, apologizing left and right for bumps or inadvertent swipes. We helped people in and out, carried each other's bags, laughed about it.  This is seismic, folks.  This is change that is literally erupting from a heart of kindness that is so big and deep it is unstoppable.  Things are changing; we are becoming kinder. Nobody boos little kids anymore, and Philly’s even a safe place for Santa.

But there’s much more. After each horrendous riot or shooting what do we now see? People cleaning up the streets together, citizens lining up to protect police, southerners getting rid of flags that hurt, people forgiving murderers and holding up big signs about Love.  The people of Charleston teach us.  The people of Baltimore show us the way. Watch closely.  Don’t pay any mind to the media - they are totally out of the loop. Sex and fear, worry and tragedy sell ads so TV and internet news is like McDonald’s - old, tired, bad for us, and running on an engine that might have worked twenty years ago but is fast becoming very creaky.

Love is going to trump fear; it already has.  Keep your eyes open every darn day and you will see it, I promise.  Look for it:  the hipster kid who helps an old person carry bags, folks jumping up to open doors for a guy in a wheelchair.  We are waking up.  The great news is that our kids seem to be waking up sooner. I’m at the end of my 50s and it took my generation this long to have a clue.  Many of us still don’t.  But our kids seem to be keying in sooner to the value of listening and loving and patience; they form unions that are true partnerships, and love their children with fierce and open hearts that are bound to transform that next generation into the firebrands of this new kind of freedom - the kind that will reach out to those suffering everywhere. It’s going global, this force of kindness.  It is unstoppable.


Philly is still a great place for a cheesesteak and you can still walk barefoot down the shore but now when storms come, traffic stops and we watch out for each other.  The City of Brotherly Love has finally earned its title. It’s a good time to be a human.  

Saturday, June 13, 2015

From an Old Broad to a New One: Welcome to the Sisterhood, Caitlyn



Caitlyn, here's the thing about being a woman.  The outfits are painful, okay?  I mean, if you dress to attract men you're going to be stuffing things into wire frameworks and sucking in your gut, a lot.  As a guy, you never had to do that, right? The world was your kingdom and well, your toilet.  You've given up quite a bit to follow your girl heart, not the least of which is the amount of money you can make if you had grown up in this gig, as well as the ability to wee anywhere you want.  I really applaud your courage, honey, but you need to become a real woman pretty fast. And there's a lot more to it than boobs and that come-hither thing you're working.

Look at your corset!  I can hardly breathe myself, just thinking of how much you had to suck in to make that all work. Who told you this is what a woman looks like? Oh, wait. Yes, the media, how silly of me.  But eventually you're going to walk down the street and see regular gals and while you're teetering in heels trying to attract sexual attention most of us will be longing to be home in our sweatpants.   Honey, I know it's fresh and new for you.  I get that.  But you're coming to this chick thing kinda late in the game so me and the sisterhood would like to get you up to speed.

THE TOP FIVE THINGS ABOUT BEING A BROAD

1. Our bodies are fabulous - they produce babies, for God's sake.  We can grow a human inside us.  Girls are strong and sturdy, our legs are built to stand up while said human is inside us.  Miraculous.  I'm sorry you missed this part (it's one of the best parts) but you also did an end run around menstruation, so kudos to you for that one. Apparently you won't have to manage menopause either and I'm actually a little pissed about that.

2.  We are smart in ways that are astounding. While men can do the strategic thinking that sustains wars (wow!) we get messages from all over the place that tell us what is going on inside somebody's head and heart.  Hard to explain, but we're hard-wired to read a room, find a creep, know your thoughts, and if necessary frighten guys in ways that leave them gasping for air.  It's so cool.  Yes, yes they have guns.  But we pack heat.

3.  Girlfriends are like the Mafia.  We close ranks, take secrets to our graves, and will do anything to protect each other. So, I guess there's no other way to say this but when women circle the wagons just don't fuck with us. I'm not sure men have this, except on the battlefield. 

4.  Women are unburdened by the terrible expectations we pile on guys: be the "breadwinner," protect everybody, change the damn tire, fix all the broken shit in the house, don't cry, don't be weak, be productive.  Dang, there is no way I'd want to be a guy. There's a bunch of lousy expectations around women too, of course, but they're all stupid and we ignore them.

5.  We get deeper as we get older.  Not having a penis and therefore not giving a rat's ass about sex and "power" particularly after 50, women develop these amazing inner lives of spirituality; Dude, we cruise the universe as we age, happier, lighter, and freed of the burden of buzzing sexuality that charges the ions around men.  For a chick, losing the libido is like a free pass out of prison.  For men, it's often some kind of death sentence that makes them engage in phenomenally stupid and destructive behavior.

Caitlyn, you're gonna like being a broad once you lose the push-up bra and the idea that you have to be in your underwear all the time.  Let your belly hang a little there, sister.  Breasts are just sweat glands wtih good press, and once you stop trying to attract people to screw you - miraculously, they won't.  And that's when life gets really fun.