How to Talk to Liberal White People

In 2010 I ran a grassroots Tea Party campaign in the third congressional district of Colorado. While I’m a lifelong Independent centrist kinda-left-leaning Buddhist, when my ex-husband stepped up to run I wanted to steer the ship so it wouldn’t be ugly and mean, and it wasn’t. I met thousands of Tea Party patriots and you know what? They were some of the nicest folks I’ve ever known. Even if they found out that I voted for Obama (!), they invited me in for pie, tousled my hair like I was an innocent knucklehead and showed me pictures of the grandkids. The media and liberal whites made fun of them, ignored them and of course, they then elected Donald Trump. Well done white liberals!

If I was forced to be in a locked room with a Tea Party patriot or a “progressive” white person (yes, I’m stereotyping and you know what I mean), I’d take that conservative any day of the week and claw my way out of any space where I’d be stuck face to face with a white liberal. Like the Tin Man, lots of white progressives seem to lack a heart but at least the Tin Man was cute and knew he was flawed. Many deeply conservative voters are connected to values — yes, yes maybe they cling to guns and religion — but they are fueled by beliefs. White liberals seem to gas up on guilt and fear and, I’m gonna say it: geezus it makes them rigid and mean. As the cowboys in Colorado would say, we’re burnin’ daylight. We don’t have time to be nice-nice and mince words. Hang with me.

Now I’m in the Yang Gang, volunteering constantly for this phenomenal candidate and you know what question I hear repeatedly from our gang? How do you talk to these white liberals? Lots of Andrew Yang supporters are making headway with their parents, grandparents and other conservative folks (though that’s not easy either) but white liberals, “progressives,” are a brick wall, a granite block of pompous disdain.

I now live in Seattle where Black Lives Matter signs are all over well-manicured lawns in wealthy white neighborhoods where No Human is Illegal, which is important since Mexicans mostly do the hedges here. My guess is most of these wealthy white people haven’t seen a black person in a month of Sundays, but somehow the sign makes them feel good, and with progressives it’s often all about assuaging their guilt.

My theory is that their hearts are constricted with guilt because they’re the winners, mostly by being born white and finding wealth either by birth or luck. While fear is powerful, nothing makes the mind crazier than guilt. So, when you try to talk to a progressive about Yang’s signature policy — the Freedom Dividend — they rain down fire and brimstone like some evangelical Christian preacher.

Hey liberal white person: why are you so afraid of giving people money?

See, just asking that question could throw a progressive into a rant of ugly meanness that would stun you into submission. It’s hard to find any common ground with a white person who has money and thinks it’s their job to protect black people and others from having cash in their hands. The assumption, which they’d never acknowledge of course, is that minorities and poor folk can’t be trusted with cash, and they need the government to constrict what they buy and eat to which I’d like to say, go fuck yourself. There are also many studies that confirm that poor people know exactly what to do when they have autonomy with their money but I had to go a little Philly on this. It’s that frustrating, sorry.

Here are the Top Ten things white liberals don’t get about themselves:

1. If you must put a sign up on your lawn to prove what a great person you are, you aren’t.
2. Your rigidity about “protecting” the marginalized is white patriarchy at its worst.
3. It’s quite possible that your view is the most myopic on the planet.
4. You are The Committee to Re-Elect Donald Trump.
5. So many people find you impossible and annoying.
6. Dancing to Motown is a celebration, not a cultural misappropriation.
7. You are paralyzed by your privilege, but since you are generally such a Master of the Universe you can’t admit you are powerless over it.
8. There should be a 12-step program for white liberals.
9. Unlike my conservative friends, if I oppose your rigid guilt-based mindset you won’t invite me in for pie. Rather, you’ll try to wither and then crush my soul.
10. You feel guilty about being white, so maybe go to a therapist and stop blowing up the road to progress.

Recently I had a Twitter exchange with a guy called Trump is Your President and we bumped heads on the Value-Added Tax and I used the “f” work and he called me stupid for cursing which is probably true. But when I saw that his mind was made up (mine too), I noted from his profile that he loved coffee. We have that in common, for sure. So, I tweeted him about our shared addiction, wished him best of luck and he “hearted” me right back. Done.

I’m too scared to even go near Bernie Bros on Twitter. They would eat me alive.

Here are a few pointers for How to Talk to Liberal White People:

1. Understand that the unconscious driver in their demeanor and views may be guilt. They are often embarrassed that they are white and have money, but because guilt and shame are so horrible to feel, they lead with strident pomposity.
2. If you can, try to patiently ask open-ended questions after you are summarily silenced and shut down. “Can you explain a little more why you don’t want poor people to actually have money in their hands?”
3. Play the Dalai Lama Card: almost any wealthy white person will be quiet if you mention this guy because they often think they are Buddhists. He has said that any problem can be solved by holding it up to the light and seeing it from a different perspective. Say that, and then: “Are you able to see this from a different perspective?”
4. Try to find a connection: kids, sports, their work, food, coffee…. Find something in common and celebrate that.
5. Talk about legacy. This is something almost everyone understands — what do you want to leave your kids? How do you want to be remembered?My guess? A Tea Party patriot and liberal white person share the same hope — that we and our families are happy, healthy, and free. Go from there.

This is all so hard, man. Trump has blown up all the facades that protected us from authentic exchanges and now there is so much at stake that we have no choice but to be real — really real — with each other. We have to find our way out of this and that’s going to require talking to each other without trying to change someone’s mind — minds don’t change easily — but just for the sake of honest communication. It’s difficult for women, especially because we are raised to be nice rather than fierce but “nice” gets us nowhere right now and fierce can also be compassionate.

Ferocious compassion, relentless hope, a deep well of continuous forgiveness and a soldier-like commitment to be in this together, bounded by an endless river of humor to float us through the rocks. I’m a tough old broad but still a bit scared of poking the liberal white beast. However, for all my snarky-meets-snarky with liberal white people, here’s the belief that drives me and hopefully you. Dr. Martin Luther King said:

“Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

I’m going to try to bring love to the most difficult people so that we can get everyone out of poverty and despair and into happy, healthy, and free.